Good Drinks for Bad Days: Holiday Edition Gift-Giving 101: Do not give your girlfriend a blender unless you no longer want to have a girlfriend

Bad Day: Gave Totally Wrong Gift

Good Drink: Lonely Night

3/4 ounce coffee liqueur

11/4 ounce Bailey’s or other Irish cream liqueur

11/4 ounce hazelnut liqueur

1 scoop vanilla ice cream

Whipped cream

I have always been someone who gets joy out of finding the perfect holiday gift for those I love. There is something about putting in the time and effort to make someone else smile that fills me with that warm-butterscotch feeling associated with the holidays. The thought goes into the wrappings, and my anticipation grows until I get to watch my loved one unwrap their gift. It is the season of giving, and I get something out of seeing other people happy. But not every gift can be a homerun, and I cannot help but be reminded of the not-so-jolly Christmas I received a blender.

 

That’s right, a blender.

Disclaimer: Men out there, you may be scratching your heads at this, but believe me; unless your main squeeze blatantly says I want a blender, do not get her one.

On Christmas Eve, as the Yule log burned cheerily in the fireplace and the tree glowed with hundreds of tiny twinkle lights, my boyfriend and I gathered to exchange presents as snow fell softly outside. All was right in the world. Or at least it was until I found the plastic Walmart bag he had plopped down at my feet. As I looked in the bag, it was impossible for me to hide my disappointment. While I had been expecting something with a dash of romance, what I got was a blender. A blender? As I looked down the barrel of the blender, I saw a theoretical house in the burbs and 2.7 kids waving at me from between the blades. Not only that, but he hadn’t even wrapped it. And I already had one at home.

Do you see the 2.7 kids down there? Look closer…

The commitment-phobe inside me shrieked with terror, and in a moment of speechlessness, I forced out what turned out to be a laugh. Note: If mistake #1 was the blender, mistake #2 was the laugh. No wait mistake #1 was not even bothering to wrap the gift.

Later, when he was justifiably angry that I had laughed at his gift, I earnestly asked the boyfriend what had made him think I wanted a blender. This was his reply:

You like smoothies. You can make smoothies.

Needless to say, he is now my ex-boyfriend. And, to give credit where credit is due, that summer I did make a lot of smoothies.

And so, gentlemen, do not give your girlfriends a blender.

And ladies, try to mask your disappointment better that I did. Your love life will thank you.

We all know the holidays are tough, and thanks to Kerry Colburn’s new book, Good Drinks for Bad Days: Holiday Edition, there is a cure-all for every holiday cringe-worthy moment from holiday travel woes, to being snowed in, to going stag on New Year’s Eve. For every bad holiday, there is a good drink to numb the pain!